Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Dear god my vagina.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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