is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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