I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
