As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
