tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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