I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
