I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
