I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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