Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize