I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
