sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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