VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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