I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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