The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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