: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
