hotel room ftw
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
