look no pants
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
