So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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