Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
