just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
