awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize