How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
