Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
