And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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