Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
