I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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