Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
