I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I faked an abortion last night.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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