I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
