Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
