I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
