I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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