help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
