he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize