I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize