grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
