Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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