tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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