i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
