Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
