I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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