its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
