while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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