wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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