Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
