I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
