I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
