Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
