if i can run in heels then i can drive
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
