this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
