is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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