Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
