Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
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I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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