You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
