Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
