Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
