I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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