Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
