guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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