i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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