What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
