I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
