It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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