epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just gargled with NyQuil
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
