i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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